Find My Therapist: Find One Who Won't Judge Your Netflix History

Take the frustration out of finding THE therapist.

Congratulations! You’re looking to find a therapist! I’m stoked for you. If you’re starting to look for therapists, you may have gotten a little overwhelmed with how to find one. Know that it could potentially be a longer process for you to find the right therapist, but taking control of what to look for is the first step.  

Let’s take the stress out of this for you, because there are ways to find a therapist that you truly love.

Identify What You Want Help With

I have two big recommendations for finding a therapist. The first being, what do you need help with? You do not need to know 100% everything that you are wanting to work on, but you do need to know the overall theme of what is disruptive for you right now. 

My passion is helping clients with their relationships. Sometimes they can’t pinpoint what doesn’t feel right, sometimes they can, but it’s a place for us to start.  (The second recommendation you'll find HERE if you want to skip ahead)

Below are some examples of what clients have come to me wanting support with to help show some of the reasons for therapy. (click the arrow for the full list): 

Reasons Clients Come To See Me

• Overall overwhelm and not knowing where to start

• Feeling like they don’t feel appreciated by a spouse, friend, co-worker

• Self-help books are kind of effective but they feel like putting a band-aid on the problem

• They know what they want help with, but don’t know how to get there

• They want to communicate differently 

• Self-care doesn’t work or they don’t know how to do it right

• Each day is feeling like groundhogs day; it feels the same and they feel stuck

• They are stressed out from juggling too many things 

• Emotions all blur into one and they want to figure out how to better navigate them

• Learning how to set boundaries 

• Life as a 30 or 40 year old isn’t like it was in their 20s

• Being a more effective parent

• Confidence feels lower than it has in the past

• They want to have someone listen and feel understood

• They are sick of all the stuff they have to do for their kids

• Dating seems to be producing the same kind of partner

• They are struggling with liking their job or wanting a new one

• They have a loss of some kind that they want help through

• Being uneasy happens more than they want

• Wanting more confidence in saying “no”. 

• There isn’t enough time in the day to get things done

• They’re going through a divorce and want support

• ..etc! 

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Where to Start

1. Research Therapists & Make a List of Them

You must live in the state your therapist is licensed in! 

• Google: will provide info on therapists you need (ex: couples counseling near me)

• Psychology Today: this is the biggest directory of therapists. You can filter by all sorts of options

• *Insurance: Go through the list your insurance provider gives you/is online. Look online on the therapist's website/psychology today to see if they are accepting new clients with your insurance. A lot of times they may take your insurance, but will have a full caseload and can’t see you. 

• You may find a therapist you LOVE, but for whatever reason they aren't taking new clients. Best to have a list of potential therapists, so you don't have to research endlessly.

• If THE best therapist for you isn't taking clients ask if they have a waitlist or try contacting them in a few months (if you're able to wait).

2. Research Their Website/Social Media

Take a peek at what a therapist says on their website! This will give you information to see: if you like them, if they offer what you need, answer some of your questions in

their FAQ, and for questions to ask during a consultation call. 

If they say they are a DBT therapist does that mean they ONLY do DBT with clients?

Their website doesn’t talk about what you’re struggling with. Ask them about if they treat clients like this. (Ex: You need a trauma therapist, but they are a disordered eating therapist. Is it a fit?)

3. Ask Questions During Consultation Calls!

Consultation calls should be a two way street. Both a therapist and you should be asking questions!

Sometimes potential clients do not feel they have the right to interview a therapist. You should interview a potential therapist! 

What to consider asking a potential therapist during a consultation call

(click arrows for FULL question list):

Have they worked with your particular needs before? 

I am a therapist for women, so me taking on male clients would not fit. Another example would be that I don’t specialize in helping women with eating disorders, so I would not be a good fit. A therapist shouldn’t be convincing you they specialize in something they don’t (some therapists will do this).  Look for honesty in a therapist’s answers. We cannot be masters in everything related to therapy, so find someone who is knowledgeable about your needs. 

What is their training? 

Ask their approach

What are sessions like?

What are their costs and cancellation policy?

Does it matter how long they’ve been practicing? 

Is there a connection?

If you don’t like the person you talked with you 1000% do NOT need to work with them.

Research from psychology shows that the relationship between a therapist is the biggest indicator of reaching your goals. If we have a therapist we genuinely look forward to talking with you’re going to see changes for the better.  

Questions to reflect on after the consultation call?

(This is purely preference based)

• Were they able to answer your questions? Consultation calls typically are quick, but they should be able to provide reasonable answers to your questions. Now, they won’t be able to solve your problem right then and there, so keep expectations realistic. 

• Did you feel like they heard what you are needing help with? They may seem cold, uninterested, or engaged and wanting to know about you. 

• Do they sound like they know what they’re talking about? 

• Do they have social media you can look at? 

• Does their social media/website, etc. match what you’re hearing when you spoke to them? Meaning do they actually know the information they are posting about or are they just posting a lot of cool/exciting/informative stuff. I would love to post about quantum physics, but I would never be able to have an informed conversation with someone about it. 

Is it a good fit?

A therapist should be using their consultation time with you to see if working together would be appropriate. They might say that you aren’t a good fit; know that that is okay. I don’t specialize in working with everyone, so I very well could refer you to someone else. 

Quick Question Guide

Have they worked with your particular needs before? 

What is their training? 

What is their approach?

What are sessions and their approach like?

What are their costs and cancellation policy?

Does it matter how long they’ve been practicing? 

Is there a connection?

Were they able to answer your questions?

Did you feel like they heard what you are needing help with?

Do they sound like they know what they’re talking about? 

Does their social media/website, etc. match what you’re hearing when you spoke to them?

Is it a good fit/connection?

RELATED: Therapy First Session - A Guide for The Nervous & Curious

The Takeaway: 

I recommend doing your homework/research beforehand, set yourself up with questions that you have, and then have a consultation. There definitely are a lot of different factors to look at, but researching therapists and asking questions important to you will start you off in a better place. 

There is a therapist out there in the therapy world that is going to match what you need. Don’t settle if you don’t feel the therapist/client relationship would work.

Know that this process takes time. You may think you like the therapist, have multiple sessions and realize that you want something different and that’s okay. 

If you are connecting with my website or what I wrote in this blog, I’d love to chat and see what you’ve been noodling on in wanting to improve your life! Feel free to schedule your consult here. I won’t be THE therapist for every woman out there, but I sure as shit am excited to help you if I am. 

Jessica Miller, LMFT

About the author: Jessica Miller is a licensed therapist in the state of California. Her background is in domestic violence, self-esteem, anxiety, trauma, and somatic experiencing. She believes that life is messy and sometimes we need someone to understand that we don't know wtf we're doing.

Have questions about if therapy with me is the right fit. Reach out HERE!

(1) Wampold, B. (n.d.). QUALITIES AND ACTIONS OF EFFECTIVE THERAPISTS. American Psychological Association Education Directorate.

(2) Wampold, B. E., & Imel, Z. E. (2015). The great psychotherapy debate: The evidence for what makes psychotherapy work(2nd ed.). Routledge/Taylor & Francis Group.